Who am I?

Who am I?

I don’t always understand why
I can’t comprehend the reason
But it’s part of life
part of growing, part of getting old
Why are stars so bright
why does the sun shine
Who am i?
Wrapped in mixed emotions and holding down a stomach full of angst
I travel the earth, floating, getting caught in the wind of distraction and appeal
Tripping over and stumbling on every new trend
Slowly losing washing down the deep blues and purples of my identity
In the clouds, my mind races, the race of time and works
Trying to fill the many voids
I wander the nooks of reality
Who am i?
What am i?
Is there some line in this great play that I forgot to act out?
Did miss the flight to nowhere, again?
Did my receipt expire?
I am stuck in the mud, trudging along, swimming at this point, trying to keep my head up for dear life
The weeds are too high and trees too tall
Who am i?
Where am I going?
All I have is blood and bones and a beating heart, yearning
And legs that just want to walk
And fingers that just want to create
And a mind to think.
I don’t seek the king’s riches or all of the awards, but a chance.
A chance to see the path in all of this darkness
To breathe the air everyone else talks about
To take the stage and see myself be myself
Who am i?

Reset Button

There i was, Standing, smiling, and a little sweaty. All around, the clapping of hands and cheering filled the beautiful belly of the auditorium. The shining lights from above seemed brighter; it was a bit surreal. I had just finished one of the greatest concerts i have ever been a part of, surrounded by tired musicians, but we were proud. During all of this, it hit me. It hit me like a punch in the face. I wanted to do this for the rest of my life. Then and there i knew i would one day die with my tuba on my face. I mean c'mon, this whole band thing has allowed me to feel and express emotions that are special. It is the root to most of my happiness and it so much of my life ;it's in my DNA. Since very young, i would fantasize about one day, one day playing Mahler or Dvorak in front of hundreds. I was born for it!
     Years have passed and I'm kinda screwed. In a way, i am clueless to what i want to do for the next 50 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, music- I know. What about science or writing? I secretly want to write or work for companies like Sony or Mens Health. Is it bad that one day i am set on a career and then minutes later I'm lost in a flurry of ideas? Some people are set for life; they have their lives planned. Well freak. What about us indecisive ones? In what line do we jump in? What major do we get? And all of this scares me to the very core. I don't want to crash out, fail, nor fade. This slushy of mixed possibilities are hitting the walls of my guts and it's making me lose sleep. I see on the Internet people making music, painting pictures, and achieving new heights with their passion. I want that. I want to know what in God's Earth is my purpose, my cue in this epic symphony we call life. Whatever it may be, I hope and pray that it is something i love. I hope that when i do find my calling, i will answer with great words. I hope that it will be something that God will smile at when He sees me from above. I hope that it'll give my never-ending loving parents some reassurance in their hearts before the leave this world. I hope that it will make a better man of me and support whatever life i may have, with a family or just a pet. And ultimately, i hope that I find a way to escape the worries and strife of everyday life through whatever I end up doing, like music or running. For now, i wont fret. I'll just stick to what i know and what I'm decent at. I'll stick to the blessings of God and the great life i have been given. Ha. Come to think of it. A little confusion is okay. 

Slushie of Doom.

I'm seventeen. My last year of grade school is a day away from reality. So much has happened and so much is expected to happen. It's a blur to me how these years have past so fast.. I'm discombobulated, anxious, confused and ready. One thing I'm sure about is that I'm not giving up now. I have the highest hopes that this year will pwn. Yes, pwn. I have the greatest friends one could ever ask for and i'll cherish these last moments I have with them.. it's saddening to have all of this to finally end.. but that's life.. I've experienced the depths and climaxes of almost evey situation.. I can remember my first steps in EHMS.. it was pouring out.. walking into my awful language arts class.. my life has never been the same. And that's okay, because the best years are yet to come...

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Scarlet

The sun sets. Scarlet splashes upon us.
Our flesh, marrying at the break of reality, surrendering barriers, setting free once again.
Two as one, our blood rushing, racing.
Her grasp, tightened at the site of this.
Drenched in passion, we fell
to fatal attraction.
A bleak stare fixed upon my bosom, reached
for my beating vessel.
Her dainty spirit danced with mine, hoping for a lifetime of memories.
I abandoned my guard, retreated my shield
and let love penetrate, twisting my fate.
Her eyes, Scarlet.
Like the sun that sets.

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You're not good enough.

It's hot, humid and im in pain. The short, crisp shifting of my frail limbs keep me goin. One would stop at this point, I don't. Music fills my pounding ears. The sounds of drums and off beat guitar rifts accompanies my heavy breathing. Thick bristles lightly hit my forehead. The sun is finally setting. The perpetual blackness guides me still. This is my habitat, my niche, my thing. A rush of blood races through my legs as I encounter the final stages. My human instincts burden me and yell, "you're too tired, you can't make it." It happens to all of us. In any situation, at some point in our lives, we are overwhelmed by something. There's a road block in our lives that has awful timing. What do you do? Well, at this point I'm at the brink. Most would stop, give in and be happy. Then, it hits me. A surge of exuberance sets in. It sets in sync with my power song. I shed the mental weight and rip off all doubt. My arms swing, my head dips in deeper and my legs pound with each blistering step. "Go, go, go." I tell myself. My heart races and the wind makes me fly. I'm a runner. And I love it.

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