Reset Button

There i was, Standing, smiling, and a little sweaty. All around, the clapping of hands and cheering filled the beautiful belly of the auditorium. The shining lights from above seemed brighter; it was a bit surreal. I had just finished one of the greatest concerts i have ever been a part of, surrounded by tired musicians, but we were proud. During all of this, it hit me. It hit me like a punch in the face. I wanted to do this for the rest of my life. Then and there i knew i would one day die with my tuba on my face. I mean c'mon, this whole band thing has allowed me to feel and express emotions that are special. It is the root to most of my happiness and it so much of my life ;it's in my DNA. Since very young, i would fantasize about one day, one day playing Mahler or Dvorak in front of hundreds. I was born for it!
     Years have passed and I'm kinda screwed. In a way, i am clueless to what i want to do for the next 50 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, music- I know. What about science or writing? I secretly want to write or work for companies like Sony or Mens Health. Is it bad that one day i am set on a career and then minutes later I'm lost in a flurry of ideas? Some people are set for life; they have their lives planned. Well freak. What about us indecisive ones? In what line do we jump in? What major do we get? And all of this scares me to the very core. I don't want to crash out, fail, nor fade. This slushy of mixed possibilities are hitting the walls of my guts and it's making me lose sleep. I see on the Internet people making music, painting pictures, and achieving new heights with their passion. I want that. I want to know what in God's Earth is my purpose, my cue in this epic symphony we call life. Whatever it may be, I hope and pray that it is something i love. I hope that when i do find my calling, i will answer with great words. I hope that it will be something that God will smile at when He sees me from above. I hope that it'll give my never-ending loving parents some reassurance in their hearts before the leave this world. I hope that it will make a better man of me and support whatever life i may have, with a family or just a pet. And ultimately, i hope that I find a way to escape the worries and strife of everyday life through whatever I end up doing, like music or running. For now, i wont fret. I'll just stick to what i know and what I'm decent at. I'll stick to the blessings of God and the great life i have been given. Ha. Come to think of it. A little confusion is okay.